II

LeVar “Var” Lawrence

So much pain inside me

I can explain through my pen. 

So many incidents 

I don't know where to begin. 

Should I tell about the time

I ran away from home, 

From my mother? 

Or maybe about that day I had an argument 

And tried to kill my own brother? 

I could talk about all the people 

Who stabbed me in my back. 

Or how I used to hate it 

When I sold my uncle crack. 

I could talk about that day

God took away my 1st son,

Or about the 1st time

I stared down the barrel of a gun

Maybe I should talk about how many people I trusted 

Before they turned their backs on me,

Or how I wished at one point one of my kids’ mother 

Would have just settled for plan b

I could write  about each and every time 

That I made my mother cry, 

Or about when I got paralyzed 

And how I wished I would die.

There's so much pain inside of me 

That I can express through my pen 

Where the fuck do I begin?